DO NOT READ--FULL OF SHIT

Why is it that its always in retrospect that you realize you should have done things another way? Why is it that people always regret only when its too late? Hmm..

I always say that there is no end to comparison, and that there is always someone better than you. What’s the point of making yourself feel dejected and down in the dumps? But somehow, we just like to compare. I just so happened to be thinking how I sized up as compared to others. I was born 18+ years ago, yet in the 18+ years on planet earth, what did I manage to achieve?

Well, I quit piano at grade 4/5 because I did not like the teacher. I already forgot how to tickle the ivories. I never managed to get into the primary school athletics team because my mum tore up the consent form. I got cut from the table-tennis team. My psle is my proudest academic achievement to date, because my results went all the way downhill from there, and never really recovered. I don’t have a proper hobby, unless you count sleeping. In my life, I am taught that other than studying, nothing else matters. However, to say that my academics isn’t that good is a gross understatement. Since kindergarten till now, every single parent-teacher meeting is a complaint session. And never, not even once did my parents speak up for me when the teachers tore me apart during these sessions. In secondary school, I always had to leave ncc training earlier than others because I have tuition, and my parents are the only parents (back then) who were kicking up a fuss, when we obviously have the least trainings in the whole school. And I spend hours helping a friend, days, months. When it seems that all my efforts were finally paying off, I was brought back to harsh reality, and it seems that whatever I said and did had no effect on the issue at all. Other than disappointment, I also feel a sense of helplessness.

To sum all this shit up, it means that after 18+ years on this miserable little planet, I still do not know what I like, what I am good at, where am I heading in future. I have no skills in life, no direction in life, and I do not know what the hell I am doing. After 18+ years on this planet, when some people my age are already earning much more than my parents, I haven’t achieved anything in life, and I cannot picture myself 10 years down the road, because I do not even have a direction in life.

Am I not always the cheerful optimistic, happy-go-lucky one, who gets other people to cheer up? Why am I wallowing in self pity? It must be the mugging, and I guess everything that’s happening is getting to me. I need to stop, and learn how to refrain from complaining about anything and everything that’s under the sun.

Have I told you people how much I admired those people who are cheerful and smiley whenever you see them? Everybody has their problems, but these people have the ability to keep their problems under wraps, and not let it affect them and especially the people around them. Hmm feels so much better now. I guess I just needed an outlet. That’s what blogs are for aint it? Haha.